07
Aug
Ryan showed me this link. It pretty much sums up my last post. Check Savage Chickens for more!
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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category
18
May
Masturbation gesture gone VERY wrong in the office :: Vidmax.com
That was funny.
27
Apr
The guy at Help Win This Bet has bet his girlfriend he could get 2 million hits on his website. She thinks he’s an idiot, so he’s gonna do it. If he wins, he gets a threesome haha.
24
Apr
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd
06
Oct
I need this shirt.
J!NX – Nobody Reads my Blog T-Shirt – Gamer Geek Nerd Hacker Computer
08
Aug
Okay I know I haven’t posted in months, my laziness is at an ALL TIME high currently. I will post more. This is something to start out reading, I got it in an email and related to 90% of it.
–
YOU GREW UP IN THE 80′s or early 90′s IF…..
1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “PSYCHE “.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the “Fresh Prince of Belair ” …and can do
the “Carlton”.
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to
start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil’ Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that “WOAH ” comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock “.
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars… and “spokey-dokes”
or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to “Duck Tales ” (Woo ooh!)
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch
cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ” on the big
screen… and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer
class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt
in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game “MASH ” (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear….need I say more
20. You wanted to change your name to “JEM ” in Kindergarten. (She’s
truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading “Tales of a fourth grade nothing ” and all the
Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF ”
23. You wanted to be a Goonie. and still do . . .
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us… head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose
fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school… and traded Garbage Pail Kids in
the school-yard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say “NOT ” after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like #24, probably in
neon colors, too)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you
are, but what am I? ”
36. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up ”
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline
skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. “Don’t worry, be happy ”
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top
Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do… getting
yelled at by “younger hip” members of the family)
46. “Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK”
47. You remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your
shoulder like you were all that.
48. You remember watching both “Gremlins ” movies.
49. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”"
50. You remember watching “Rainbow Bright” and “My Little Pony Tales ”
51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool… and don’t
even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved
By the Bell “, the ORIGINAL class
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
56. You just sang those words to yourself.
57.You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
58. homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
59. You remember when mullets were cool!
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing “We are the World ”
62. You tight rolled your jeans.
63. You owned a bannana clip
64. You remember “Where’s the Beef?
65. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ about
Willis?”
66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
67. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t
you!!!
26
Aug
So I was reading the new September Playboy issue and came across this joke:
Scientific research recently revealed evidence that female hormones are present in beer.
A group of twenty men were given six pints of beer each.
One hundred percent of men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apoligize when wrong.
On another note, this issue also has an excellent interview with Larry Page and Sergey Brin (Google’s head hanchos), not to mention a stunning centerfold, some neat drink tips, and even “Women of the Olympics”. Oh yeah, and I’m only halfway through it.
22
Apr
Courtesy of Phatlowry:
A man walks into a bar and yells “Bartender, give me twenty shots of your best single malt scotch!”
The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time, as fast as he can.
The bartender says “Wow, I never saw anyonebody drink that fast” The man replies by saying, “Well, you’d drink fast if you had what I have” The bartender says “Oh my god, what do you have??!!”
The man says “Fifty Cents.”
-
EE V.10!
